Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
