my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
