I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
