i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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