I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
