He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
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Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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