I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
