Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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