is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
