I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
