I faked an abortion last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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