Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
