Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
