I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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