hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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