dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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