you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
