i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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