I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
