well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
