You just made me feel so damn special
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
