Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
