Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
