Capitaan dildo arrescate!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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