AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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