Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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