yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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