I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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