Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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