I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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