My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
