just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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