you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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