I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
