What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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