the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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