Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This house was built for laser tag.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
