I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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