this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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