There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
