I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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