there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
