It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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