Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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