i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
