No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
