just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
