She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
