I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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