I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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