My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
