Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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