If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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