Walk of Shame. In a state park.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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