Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
