It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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