I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
