i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
