At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
