exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they need to just BURY HIM!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
