I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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