btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
