The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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