even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
