this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
