Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
